5 ways to start a headline that don't include numbers (please!)

Okay, I get it. We’ve tested it and using numbers in headlines works. But at some point (and, please, let it be soon) we will overuse this tactic and it will become ineffective. Right?

I say that time is now.

As a writer, I realize I’m naturally more sensitive to prescriptive ‘rules’ for writing headlines. I’m a firm believer that writers of headlines should have the freedom to use whatever tactics they can to be successful (that is, to draw in the intended audience). And there’s no denying that using numbers is certainly one way to do that. But it’s getting old.

I also know I’m not the target audience, so it doesn’t really matter what I think. But here’s the thing: writers, because of our proximity, will be the first people to recognize when this whole ‘headlines with numbers’ thing has gone overboard. So, let me be the first to say — man overboard!

If you don’t believe me, just take a look at your own Twitter feed. If it’s like mine, at least every other tweet is of the numbered variety. Seriously, go look.

The whole thing reminds me of a recent Saturday Night Live skit about hashtags. Have you seen it? Two guys are talking, awkwardly working hashtags — quite literally — into their conversation. They even have this ridiculous hand gesture to emphasize how bad the whole hashtag thing has truly gotten. It’s funny, mainly because it’s true.

I’m not sure if it will be this Saturday, but it feels like a skit about headlines containing numbers can’t be too far behind. I can see it, two guys are talking:

“Hey Jim, want to know five ways to think smarter, not harder?”

‘Sure, Bob. Why don’t you give me those five ways to think smarter not harder!”

“You’re feeling smarter already, aren’t you?”

“I’ve got to tell you, there are three ways I can describe how I feel right now.”

“Is one of those three ways smarter?”

(Together): “…and not harder!”

As they laugh, I quietly shed a tear. Or maybe my eyes are just watering because I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Either way, it’s not good.

Look, I know everyone is telling you to use numbers in your headlines. They all say it’s safe and effective. But that’s what we used to say about cigarettes. And Saccharin. And Asbestos. In time, everything runs its course (or becomes illegal).

So, please, I implore you, keep looking for creative ways to engage your audience. Keep trying new things. But can we agree to move on from the whole numbers thing?

I thank you. Your Twitter followers will thank you. And, most importantly, your readers will thank you.